Our small group is going through Louie Giglio’s “Goliath Must Fall” study. One of the “Goliath’s” that must fall is fear. The other night we had to name our fear. Yes, everyone is afraid of something. Mine was uncertainty and within that, failure. The control freaks within us want to know each step along the way and the outcome before we ever start so that we can eliminate missteps and glide through as smoothly as possible. Sounds idealistic, doesn’t it! Then reality kicks in and very little goes as planned. Sometimes it turns out better than what we expected and sometimes we are searching for the silver lining to find the good in what happened.
Many moons ago, I struggled with infertility. Our (my) plan was to be barefoot and pregnant walking across the podium getting my college diploma. Well….. That didn’t happen. Several doctors, appointments, medications, hormone shots (those were not fun!), a miscarrage, a failed invitrofertilizaiton, finally finding the right supplements and 6 years later, I was pregnant. I can honestly say that was not the plan I had in mind to start our family! Not even close! There was a whole lot of uncertainty and a whole lot of (in my mind) missteps along the way. All I wanted to be was a wife and mom. I got the wife part down. The mom part could come anytime now! It was my body that was not functioning correctly. My own body that was in the way of having what I wanted most. I had such an internal warfare going on for so long, I wasn’t sure I’d walk out of that darkness.
Have you had to move recently? It’s one of my least favorite things to do. Thankfully, I’ve only had to move 4 times in the last 24 years. Military families must have it down to an art. Anyway, by moving day, everything is packed up and boxes ready to go. This last time I moved, I had several people come and help. We all started out at the old house, we prayed, I gave instructions, I went to the new house and directed traffic! Once everything was at the new house, the “plan” was to get the essentials set up; bedrooms, kitchen, bathrooms, laundry room. Then work on other stuff later. The plan started out well. Then it blew up. At one point I walked around the house and ended up in the garage helping someone put stuff up in the attic. That was probably the lowest thing on the list, but everything else was too overwhelming and this was a small thing I could control and work on. (I know, I have problems!! haha) The amazing part was by the end of the evening only a few boxes were left to be unpacked. It didn’t go as I had planned, bt the end result was the same.
I have many examples of plans not going as planned yet turning out just fine and in some cases, even better.
In the heat of the unplanned circumstance I had to dig deep, dig deep into Christ.
Difficult circumstances have a tendency to break through our facade and force us to rely on who we are at the core of our being.
During my infertility days, at the core, I was selfish. I wanted to be a mom and I’d do whatever needed to be done. If I did all the right things, surely I’d get what I wanted. Eventually, yes. But I had to let go of my selfish hopes and dreams and accept God’s hopes and dreams for me. I had to let go of my selfish plans and seek His plans for me. His will be done, not my own.
When we moved this last time and I was overwhelmed and the “plan” was nowhere in sight, I had to take a step back, look around and realize it was going to be just fine and I needed to just be in the moment. I had to dig into Christ for peace and strength to get through that day.
As we age, we gain knowledge, wisdom, understanding, work at becoming a better version of ourselves, move forward and not stall, realizing the true important things in life. The same holds true in our spiritual journey. As we age spiritually, we search Christ out, study His word, learn about His character, live by HIs examples more and more everyday. With each step of growth our roots in Christ go deeper and deeper into HIm.
The deeper my roots are in Christ the less fear of uncertainty and failure have control over my heart and mind. Do I still struggle with uncertainty? Yes, I do. But it does not consume or control me. Many times I have sat in His presence, head bowed, hands open up towards Him, saying “I don’t get it. This was not the plan. I don’t know what is next. I don’t have all the answers. But, Father, I trust You. You can see what’s next. You know all the answers. You are in control I don’t need to be. I release my control into Your capable hands. Show me what You want of me. Show me what my next step is. I trust You.”
My friends, God laid upon my heart an idea, a project, that I have little to no background knowledge or skill. The uncertainty of the process and success is strong. I’ve got to practice what I preach! I confidently say that God placed the ideas in my heart and mind. I am digging deep into HIs roots for guidance, wisdom, knowledge, and skills. He will carry me and hold my hand all the way through to the very end. I don’t know how this is going to work out. He does. I know that He loves me and wants the best for me. I trust HIs Word, His presence, His guidance. I trust who He is.
Take a moment today and dig deep into Christ and see what He reveals to you.
Thanks for sharing a moment with me. We are digging deep into His roots together.