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Awkward Reality

Awkward Reality

My awkward reality began in the wee hours of October 16th, 2017. Now, five years later, it’s still awkward. Much has happened and I’ve grown in ways I didn’t think were possible. 

My husband of twenty years suddenly breathed his last breath and entered his eternal home. Life as I knew it was changed forever. 

The first year and a half after he passed was a fog of going through the motions. At times I didn’t know what day it was. I couldn’t think straight to make decisions or answer questions. My heart had been torn out of my chest. I have never felt such pain. I have never felt such emptiness. 

My thoughts were going in a million directions; it was difficult to make sense of it all. Out of desperation for relief from the pain, I started journaling my deep emotions of going through difficult days. The tears flowed as I poured my heart out. Healing began as each page was written.

In the midst of my journaling, I was given the idea to write about the worst ten days of grief. My initial response was, “Um, NO! I don’t think so. I’ve lived through it once. I’d rather not live through it again!” Weeks passed by and the idea settled into my heart and mind. After many conversations with Jesus, I agreed to give it a try. 

Once again, tears flowed as I put words to my hardest days of living with a great loss.

Deciding to publish raw emotions and deep hurt was not an easy decision. I was letting anyone who took the time to read into my private world. A world very few people knew about. 

God’s encouragement kept me focused on completing what He started. If you have experienced any type of loss, I encourage you to consider reading “Awkward Reality.” Walking through grief looks different for each person. May you see Jesus in my journey through healing. May you see Jesus’s hope. May you be comforted by His presence.

In the midst of my inaugural writing, may Jesus shine brighter as you read my story. May your heart and mind be open to His message for you. 

Be encouraged my friend. There is a Light at the end of the tunnel. This is only a short time of hurt and pain. Healing brings peace and strength to take the next step. 

Jesus will lead you through your awkward reality and you will come out on the other side with a better understanding of who He is within you. 

The button below is a link to “Awkward Realty.” 

Thanks for sharing a moment with me. We are in this together, one moment at a time, in Him.

Play Ball!

Play Ball!

To listen to the podcast, click here.

School is out. Summer has settled in. The sun is out as we make our way to Wrigley Field. Countless steps are climbed as the anticipation builds. Vendors are shouting out what’s for sale. Mascots are walking around getting their picture taken with fans. Finally, a step out of the concrete corridor into the open stadium of a beautiful baseball field. A moment of awe catches my breath in a sense of wonderment. The smell of hot dogs and cotton candy are in the air. Baseball players are warming up, ready to take the field. I stand at attention as the National Anthem is sung. After the final note, we all shout, “PLAY BALL!” The Reds take the field as we cheer and settle in with the anticipation of a win. Cheers and Boos are shouted throughout the game. A display of fireworks marks the win for the Reds. What a beautiful day at the park!

High School baseball begins Mid-March. Not exactly summer! The sun comes out on occasion, but is usually accompanied with wind. By Mid-April, we have played eleven games. Each game I’ve dressed in layers. Tights, pants, shirt, sweatshirt, winter coat, hat, gloves and two blankets. I look like an eskimo ready for a winter storm! Not exactly baseball weather. After the National Anthem is played, I yell Play Ball through chattering teeth. Music played between innings encourages fans to clap their hands. Um, no thank you. My hands are warm and bundled up. They are not coming out! Needless to say, it has not been ideal baseball weather.

Jesus was sitting on a hillside, enjoying the weather and company around him. The crowd grew with anticipation of His teachings. All day, He was in His happy place teaching others about the love of God. By evening, 5000+ people had gathered and it was time for supper. How do you feed 5000+ people? With 5 loaves and 2 fish of course! The people gathered witnessed a miracle. 5000+ people were fed and several baskets of leftovers were gathered. The crowd jumped to their feet, cheered for the Home team, high-fived their neighbors around them. Jesus hit a grand slam!!  

Towards the end of Jesus’ journey, guards approached Him, ready to arrest Him. Peter, distraught to see his beloved leader being arrested, pursued the closest guard and cut off his ear. Witnessing this, Jesus leaned over, placed His hand on the wounded soldier and healed his ear. Not exactly a warm, sunny day at the park. More like a frigid, bundle up kind of day. The conditions weren’t perfect, yet Jesus healed anyway. 

I do not enjoy being bundled up to watch my son play baseball. Yet, I’m there anyway cheering him on with anticipation of a win. 

Come rain or shine Jesus is ready and willing to shower us with miracle after miracle. His ever presence is not wavered by the weather or our state of mind. Thank goodness! He is ready to Play Ball 24/7 365.

Think back through your day or yesterday. Where did you see Jesus? He is in the layers that have kept me warm. Time opened up in my day to take care of unexpected needs. Friends step up, interrupt their day to come help at a moment’s notice. He provided the extra vehicles when one had broken down. Jesus is in the sun at my back to keep me warm during another cold baseball game. Jesus is everywhere and in everything we do.

Open your eyes and heart to see Jesus in your life. He is playing ball with you in all you do come rain or shine. How has He hit a grand slam for you today.

Thanks for sharing a moment with me. We are in this together, playing ball with Jesus.

Share this moment we’ve shared with someone else. You can find more blogs and podcasts at my website: to share with others. Be blessed and see you next time.



To listen to the podcast, click here.

Jesus pre-planned and executed a walk in the woods with me recently. He knows me best and plans ahead more than I do to prepare what is needed most; time with Him. 

Take a walk with me for a moment. Walking through the woods, my mind is rolling through the day’s events, yesterday’s events and the events to come. I’m thinking about the conversations I’ve had with people, the conversation I’m currently having with Jesus and the conversations that might occur in the future. Then, I start thinking about people with health needs. My litany of prayer begins and before I know it, I’ve listed several who need to be healed. At this point, I’m getting overwhelmed with the needs all around me. We live in a dark world where my light seems to be only a flicker and not a flame. My mind freezes in moments of inadequacy. The only thing I can say is, “Jesus.” Over and over, “Jesus.” 

Meandering around small towns and their shops reveal what some find as treasures when others see junk. It’s interesting to me to see the eclectic variety of “antiques” that are sold. On a beautiful sunny afternoon, I was meandering through some small town shops. A picture window had a fun display of Coke a Cola paraphernalia. Their window appeal worked and I walked into the store. I took three steps in and froze in my tracks. Stuff was everywhere. It didn’t seem organized or placed properly, the paths through the store were narrow and cluttered. My mind froze. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think. My eyes and my brain were in overdrive trying to figure out what in the world was going on in this store. The wheels were spinning too fast and the store was closing in around me. I finally gossled myself back to reality, said, “I don’t think so,” turned around and left. The Coke a Cola display can stay where it’s at. There will be another one somewhere else. 

The world desperately needs the love and healing of Jesus. I want what Jesus wants; all to become part of His eternal family. And yet the wide scope of the desire overwhelms me and stops me in my tracts. My mind keeps rolling with hurts and pains of the world, yet my words are frozen inside. I gossle myself as I whisper, “Jesus.” and a little louder and then strong and confident, “Jesus.” His name is sufficient. His name is powerful. His name says it all. 

The thing is, I want to overcome my frozen state of mind, have a clear, confident mind of Christ, and continue to converse with Him even in the midst of chaos. 

Recently I was reminded of the Jesus Prayer with a twist at the end. “Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, your daughter.” Instead of sinner at the end, I replaced it with daughter or you can insert your name. This simple prayer is packed with power.

Jesus is my Savior. Above all else, He has saved me from my sinful life, drew me into His loving arms of grace to be His forever daughter.

Christ has anointed me with the Holy Spirit who has given me the power of authority, boldness, wisdom, compassion and insight. It is not I, but Christ who lives within me.

Son of the living God gives me my identity as His heir, His beloved daughter, His shining light for all to see. 

Have mercy on me, your daughter. His mercy showers grace over me and in my life. I don’t deserve the goodness of His blessing, yet He gives it because He loves me, because I am His daughter. 

I’ve prayed this several times lately and my spirits are lifted immediately and my soul is refreshed by who He is to me.

Even if you’re not feeling overwhelmed at the moment, the prayer still has power and can bring you to a new level of His love for you. Pray this prayer when your brain freezes or you don’t know what to pray. 

I’m going to close a little differently and pray this prayer for you. 

My precious friend, may you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Be confident in His saving power and His forgiveness. Look up and feel Christ pouring His anointing over you. Allow Christ in you to be the authority over all things and fill you with His boldness to take the next step closer to Him. May you understand the wisdom He freely gives and guide your path and give compassion to all you interact with. May your eyes be open to His insight and guidance in becoming the child of God He has created you to be. May He shower you with His mercy as you pause, breathe in His presence and exhale His peace in all you do. Amen.

Thanks for sharing a moment with me. We are in this, praying together, in Him.

Share this moment we’ve shared with someone else. You can find more blogs and podcasts at my website: to share with others. Be blessed and see you next time.